Generically Engineered -- Writer's Poke #270

We try so hard to fit in, don't we? Wouldn't it be great if scientists could generically engineer us from birth? That way, we wouldn't have to worry about if we were enough like our peers and society. We would find automatic acceptance, as we wouldn't even have to think about how we could be more like our school chums, our cubical-dwelling neighbors, or even our church-sitting pew-mates.

I jest, of course. No one needs "generic engineering"; it seems to be built into our genes. Ironically, even people that try to be different often end up being different in pathetically generic ways. Is there any escape? In a world of 6 billion people, probably not. Even people that are "one-in-a-million unique" will find that there are thousands of people just like them.

Not to say that sharing common values and interests is a bad thing. But it's simply the process of being worn down to the least common denominator that bothers me.

How can we fight generic engineering? First, we need to eliminate strip malls. Every time a strip mall dies, let's demolish it and dig up all of the concrete evidence that it ever existed. In its place, let's create sometime unique. Maybe a park here and a playground there. Whatever, just as long as Bed, Bath & Beyond, and Old Navy never return.

Second, can we all agree that there are more important things in life than simple convenience? Walmart and McDonalds served their purposes in the 20th century, but does each town need 5 of them? How can you promote a non-generic culture when everyone shops at the same place and eats the same processed food?

Third, boycott Chinese imports. Personally, I like China, but can you imagine living without relying on all the mass-produced products that come from China? Why not give it a shot for a week? It will be uber-inconvenient, but it might force you to buy local, and to seek out new products that you would have never have found if you rely solely on any of the major retailers that import everything straight from China and other places that basically produce the majority of generic products that we now buy.

How generic are you?

"As a child, I was always playing some generic child." -- Susan Olsen

American Idle -- Writer's Poke #269

Before going to work, I like to stop off at the local coffee shop in the morning. I find it's a good place to center myself, prep for the day ahead, and catch up on some grading.

Meanwhile, hordes of older people congregate there, too, for no other purpose than to gossip, chat loudly, and drink coffee. And I have to admit it; if it weren't for my trusty headphones, I'm sure I would find them and their idle conversations to be annoying at best and depressing at worst.

This morning I happened to forget my headphones, and so I was treated to chatter about who was most likely to be voted off American Idol, how late the winter Olympics forces people to stay up past sensible bedtimes, and where to stay in Las Vegas on upcoming adventures.

I don't blame these people for being old. Unless you die, you have no control over the aging process. But I do blame them for how they apparently "live." Do their lives really revolve around TV and trips to Las Vegas? Or, is that just the kind of thing that people find interesting to chat about in coffee shops? Actually, I found the conversation about Vegas to be rather interesting, but all too often, what I tend to hear is talk about the latest reality shows on TV, and I find myself thinking that perhaps living a long life isn't all that important if it's spent watching others "live" and then reporting back to others on your observations.

How long would you ideally like to live? What plans do you have for your life, and how will you know when you've lived long enough?

"We would all be idle if we could." -- Samuel Johnson

Year One -- Writer's Poke #268

Comic book characters do age, but not in the same way that you and I do.

Upon her reintroduction to Gotham, the Huntress meets Catwoman, and Catwoman immediately takes to Huntress's renegade style. So, Huntress asks, how long have you and Batman been chasing each other? I know it's only been two or three years, Catwoman replies, but it feels like seventy.

And that's how time works for comic book characters. Time isn't linear; it would be closer to say it's parallel, but even that isn't exactly correct.

As DC comic fans know, until Infinite Crisis, continuity problems in characters and story lines were explained away through the use of parallel universes. Infinite Crisis put an end to the alternate realities, but character relaunchings still occur. Thus, Huntress's origin story is entirely rewritten, for example, and her placement in the DC Universe shifts.

The writers claim the practice of starting characters over again and re-imagining their beginnings helps to keep them (both writer and character, I suppose) fresh. And as long as the essence of the character remains the same, who can complain about petty things such as chronological details?

Start your story over again from the beginning. What details do you change? How do you keep your "essence" the same?

"Desire is the very essence of man." -- Baruch Spinoza

"Heartkiller" -- the new H.I.M. video

Strange little video. Not sure it adds anything to the song... I like the song a lot, although some of the "heavier" H.I.M. fans think it sounds too pop. Video does show the band is aging a bit, but don't we all?

Intellectual Pursuits -- Writer's Poke #267

Like me, Roger Ebert is an Illinois boy. He has dedicated his life to one thing: watching movies. My initial reaction to that is: Gee, what a way to waste a life -- sitting in a dark room all day, living life vicariously by watching the fictional stories created in the minds of others. But that's just my initial reaction. When I stop to think about it for another two seconds, my thoughts shift to: Wow. He got paid to watch movies for a living.

Of course he did a lot more than watch movies. He thought about them; he analyzed them; he wrote about them.

I'm no Ebert fanboy; he and I don't always agree, but I generally respect his opinions and observations, and I love to read how he viewed a movie. I've never had the chance to watch a movie frame-by-frame with him, but I imagine that would be an illuminating experience.

At this point in my life, all I can do is work my way through his The Great Movies I & II. Thanks to the invention of Netflix and the instant availability of streaming movies, over the past several months I've been able to watch about one hundred of the movies that Ebert rates as among the greatest of all time.

Last night I started watching an Ebert-recommend black and white Japanese movie, and my wife said, "You really like this stuff, don't you?" And honestly, I do. I'm not watching Ebert's picks as an "intellectual pursuit," per se, but I do appreciate the fact that some people make movies with a goal other than box office receipts.

Now that doesn't mean that I don't enjoy watching The Transporter; it simply means that most movies come and go and are forgotten once they leave the theaters on their initial run. Others, however, have the potential to stand the test of time.

What is a worthwhile pursuit to spend one's life? To spend your life?

"Men tire themselves in pursuit of rest." -- Laurence Stern

Human Nature -- Writer's Poke #266

Should we apologize for what is in our nature? According to Madonna, we shouldn't, and yet perhaps it's society's need to curb the individual that has promoted thousands of years of repression.

The basic thesis of the movie Roshomon, for example, is that everyone lies. We all embellish our presentations to others to place ourselves in the best light. In other words, we attempt to present not our real selves, but our ideals. In truth, however, no one ever lives up to their ideals.

So why do we feel the pressure to be something we're not? Why do we feel the need to pretend, or to apologize for failing to live up to something fake?

The question is, what's wrong with being human? Granted, except for Britney Spears, most people wouldn't turn to Madonna for advice on how to live their lives, but perhaps Madonna actually is a modern-day prophet?

"Dogs never bite me. Just humans." -- Marylin Monroe

What is your definition of what it means to be human?

Heaven on Earth -- Writer's Poke #265

I don't sit around and think about Belinda Carlisle much these days, but I did in 1987. Something about the video "Heaven Is a Place on Earth" spoke to me, and if you keep in mind that I was 14 years old, you can probably guess what it was.

At the time, she would have been 29, although I doubt that I gave her age much thought. I didn't know her history, or even that she was once in a band named the Go-Gos. To me, Belinda was fresh and new, and when I watched the video, I thought of her as virginal. Sure, there's a dude in the video, but he was my surrogate. And even as a 14 year old viewer, I could tell that she was just acting; she wasn't that into the stand-in.

So, how does an average person meet and enter the world of the famous? Moreover, how does a 14 year old dude make a famous chick fall for his charms, when the only way to meet someone like Belinda might be at an autograph session, where one might only have five seconds to make an impression?

These were questions I pondered in my youth, but no longer. Now, I focus on equally ridiculous questions, such as: If heaven is so great, why did God create an Earth in the first place. Lots of religious people pine for heaven, and we are often reminded not to "be of this world." But doesn't it seem like such a waste of time and energy, to create a physical world and universe, I mean. Why didn't God save himself a lot of trouble, and, oh, the 15+ billion years involved in creation and watching it all play out, and just place humans in heaven immediately?

I know people have developed plenty of "explanations" over the years for why humans needed to have a life-on-Earth experience, but none of these explanations is really satisfying. And unless you're a devout Jehovah's Witness, it's pretty clear to 99.9% of the human race that heaven will never be a place on Earth. Not even with Belinda bouncing around in a video offering herself as the possible conduit.

Describe your idea of heaven.

"Heaven is under our feet as well as over our heads." -- Henry David Thoreau

Bush Gots Soul

Fickle Fan?

Do your music interests change over time? Looking back over the past 20 years, I'd say that mine have, although every group that I've liked in the past I tend to still like today.

If I had to pick the top four or five band most important to me, though, here's what the past 20 years of preference looks like. What's yours?

2009

The 69 Eyes

H.I.M.

Iron Maiden

Rammstein

2005

Lacuna Coil

Lullacry

The 69 Eyes

Charon

1998

Megadeth

Iron Maiden

Scorpions

Type O Negative

1993

KISS

Megadeth

Iron Maiden

Scorpions

1988

KISS

Winger

Warrant

Europe

The Most Popular Band in Finland -- Writer's Poke #264

The 69 Eyes may not be the most popular rock band to come out of Finland, but if not, they're right up there. And what does all of that success translate to in terms of mainstream American recognition? Zilch.

Of course it's not surprising that commercial radio doesn't play their songs, and granted, their Gothic style and vampire-themed songs have a built-in limited audience appeal. Nevertheless, when I recently attended a concert in Minneapolis promoting their latest album Back in Blood, I was more than a little shocked to see the venue. It was just a hole-in-wall bar in a very generic-looking strip mall.

I hadn't ordered advanced tickets, but when I arrived just before show time, maybe 100 people were there for the concert. On the other half of the bar, people watched the World Series and played pool. They didn't seem to know that the Helsinki Vampires had flown all the way to America to play for just us.

So, one of the most popular bands from Finland, a band that can sell out much bigger venues across Europe, drew maybe 200 souls at fifteen bucks a pop. Was the show good? Sure, but how disheartening it must be to work your tail off for twenty years, make ten solid studio albums, and still have almost no name recognition outside your home continent.

How important is it to be popular?

"Seek not the favor of the multitude; it is seldom got by honest and lawful means. But seek the testimony of few; and number not voices, but weigh them.” -- Immanuel Kant

It's Alright to Cry -- Writer's Poke #263

In 2nd grade, it was a big honor, of course, to be allowed to run the film projector. Mrs. Brandt made us earn the privilege by handing out tokens for good behavior. Being in charge of the film projector might be worth 25 tokens, and it took a LONG time to earn 25 tokens -- maybe as long as two weeks or more, depending on how naturally naughty you happened to be.

Those of us that hadn't yet learned the benefit of deferred gratification might elect, then, just to man the film strip, turning the crank every time the accompanying record beeped. Film strips weren't nearly as sexy, but at 10 tokens, they were quite the second grade bargain.

So what kinds of things did we watch? It's been nearly 30 years, but I still remember Rosey Grier singing "It's Alright to Cry." How unusual was Rosey, a big, African-American football player, singing a song about how it was okay to express your feelings. And as far as I remember, none of the guys immediately started crying all of the time around school, but neither did any of us make fun of Rosey for singing about crying. He was tough, and that gave him some credibility, at least to a pack of 2nd grade boys. I'm sure if he had tried to pass off that notion to a bunch of 4th graders, things would have been much different.

When is it alright to cry? When was the last time you cried? Cried in public? Cried in front of complete strangers?

"Tearless grief bleeds inwardly." -- Christian Nevell Bovee

Hawks on Peace?

Sean Hannity, Rush Limbaugh, and Glenn Beck -- the modern-day Three Stooges.

None of them would ever fight in a war themselves, but all of them love war. All of them believe in an Enemy, and without an Enemy, they would have nothing to talk about. Their whole worldview is wrapped up in an "us vs. them" mentality.

They spend 99% of their time talking and 1% listening; they think they know all the answers, which means they don't value asking questions.

Millions of people listen to what they say every day; I used to listen to Hannity and Rush, too, and it's amazing how they can fill 3 hours every day and say basically nothing, over and over again. And yet, the limited amount they do repeat over and over sticks in the minds of their listeners.

What did Lenin say? "A lie told often enough becomes the truth."

***

We shouldn't be surprised that the Three Stooges attack Obama for winning the Nobel Peace Prize. Frankly, they don't believe in peace, they don't believe in Obama, and they probably don't even believe in Norway.

What exactly is the Hannity, Limbaugh, Beck vision for world peace? Can they ever imagine a world without nuclear weapons? For something to become a reality, you have to be able to imagine it first. These men lack imagination. A nuclear-free world might not happen in our lifetimes, but that doesn't mean it's not possible, that it's not something worth striving for.

We have better things to do with our billions of dollars, by the way, than fight wars, kill people, and create ill-will across the world. Obama understands that. And so does the Nobel Peace Prize committee that awarded him this honor.

The Letterman Affair -- Writer's Poke #262

David Letterman admitted having sex with some female members of his staff. That fact in itself didn't initially bother me, but I did feel disappointed in his behavior.

I don't think I registered why I felt disappointment when I first watched his apology. But now I've identified that I am most disappointed not because he cheated on his wife, and not even because he used his power and his position for sex, but because he has now been outed as a major hypocrite.

Letterman fans, and yes I have been one for over 25 years, are, not surprisingly, quick to defend him. Everyone makes mistakes, and no one is perfect. Sure, sure. But this is a guy that's made his living poking fun at the flaws of others -- including the sexual flaws of others.

In other words, I thought he would know better. And, I still think that he did know better, but he decided to listen to his sex drive rather than the one or two tiny parts of the male brain that don't think about sex 24/7.

Everyone wants to have it all, and the pursuit of trying to obtain it makes victims of us all. I, weirdly enough, am a victim of Letterman's affairs -- a victim in that I've learned that another one of my childhood heroes is simply a flawed, hypocritical human being.

We all are, of course, but it's nice to pretend that some of us aren't. It's what perpetuates hope and makes belief possible.

In what ways are you a hypocrite? How have the flaws identified in others caused you to analyze your own flaws?

"A hypocrite is a person who - but who isn't?" -- Don Marquis

Cookie Monster, Re-educated -- Writer's Poke #261

The only Cookie Monster my daughter knows plays soccer with Ernie, ice skates with Big Bird, and likes to eat healthy foods, such as apples, salad, and milk.

This was not the Cookie Monster I grew up with. In the 1970s, Cookie Monster was always shoving cookies into his mouth. But even at the age of 5, I could tell that he wasn't actually eating any of the cookies. You see, the Cookie Monster didn't have a throat, and un-eaten cookies were obviously flying everywhere.

Nevertheless, the good people at the Children's Television Network decided in 2006 that the Cookie Monster was a bad example for children, and soon thereafter, he was shown exercising and eating healthy snacks. He can still "eat" the occasional cookie, but for all intents and purposes, he's been neutered.

Not surprisingly, no one seems to care that Cookie Monster doesn't speak grammatically-correct English. When he talks, he sounds like he learned English from either Frankenstein's monster, or by watching Indian actors in 1940s Hollywood films.

And have we forgetten that Cookie Monster is, after all, a monster! Since when do we learn morals and values and proper eating habits from monsters? Monsters should set bad examples. If you want to show the consequences of eating too many cookies, I don't have any problem with that. Show Cookie Monster after a bender, but don't take away what was his sole purpose for existence for the first 30 years of his life.

What has changed from your childhood that really annoys you?

"A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five." -- Groucho Marx

Vin Diesel for a Day -- Writer's Poke #260

Vin Diesel has a facebook site for his fans, and he recently posted a picture of himself in Japan. He's over there to promote the premiere of a new film, and one of the captions for a photo in his online album reads: "Hiding in plain sight." Vin is standing on a Tokyo street, and none of the passersby seem to notice him. Certainly, they notice that he's an American, and perhaps they know that he is Vin Diesel. Maybe it's the culture that allows him to be out in the open without a mob of fans attacking him. If he tried to walk down the street in any American city, he'd probably need body guards, and I'm sure there'd be professional photographers out stalking his every move.

When I saw this picture, I thought: I'd like to be Vin Diesel for a day. I'd have no interest in switching lives with him, or anyone else, on a permanent basis, but wouldn't it be fun to be someone else for a day?

I'm not sure exactly how that would work, as you'd still want to be yourself, but it wouldn't work just to be yourself inside someone else's body. You would need to be able to access the other person's memories, behaviors, etc., but you would need to be able to retain access to your own mind, too. Otherwise, how would being someone else for a day actually work?

Being someone else for a day might have a downside, too. Would it be fun, for example, to be Hugh Hefner for a day? Guys can imagine the fantasy of what that would be like, but imagine if his real life was as boring as anyone else's? And on the flip side, if his life somehow lived up to the fantasy, going back to your life would be even more painful. Perhaps it's better just believing that the fantasy image of Hugh Hefner is just that: a projection. Finding out that the fantasy was real might be too much knowledge to bear.

Speaking of fantasies, Mariah Carey agreed to take off her make-up for a role in an upcoming movie. This is not something that any diva should ever be allowed to do. Mariah, you are not allowed to look like a real woman. You have a flawless image to uphold, and it's not your right to bring harm or disappointment to the imaginations of your fans. Shame on you.

If you could be anyone else for a day, would you do it? If so, who would you pick? If you wouldn't do it, why not?

"The gift of fantasy has meant more to me than my talent for absorbing positive knowledge." -- Albert Einstein

Just Keep Swimming -- Writer's Poke #259

Tavi decided that she doesn't like going to daycare. Her mom and I both work full-time gigs, so while we'd both love to stay home and play with her all day, every day, that's simply not an option.

Seeing her get upset is, well, upsetting. And spending the mornings worrying that the phone will ring ("Please come get your uncontrollably-crying daughter, Mr. Fuller") sucks.

Dori in Finding Nemo has a wonderful philosophy that I like to use in times like these: "Just keep swimming." If you're a fish, what choice do you have really? As far as I know, fish can't drown.

I hate to complain. My name isn't Job, and I recognize how good my life is. It's just that little stresses have the same weight as gigantic ones. How is that possible?

Okay. You don't care about my troubles, and so I will put my violin away. Do you have a violin of your own that you want to play? Please, be my guest.

What stresses you out? Maybe writing about it would help. Do so now.

"There must be quite a few things that a hot bath won't cure, but I don't know many of them." -- Sylvia Plath

KISS, My Griots -- Writer's Poke #258

KISS is releasing its first studio album in eleven years later this fall. Why did it take them eleven years? In part, because Gene Simmons and Paul Stanley think they know what the fans want. The fans want to hear "Rock and Roll All Nite," "Deuce," and "Strutter." They do not, according to Simmons and Stanley, want to listen to new material. Is that true? Do KISS fans only want to listen to the same ten or twenty songs over and over again? I find that very hard to believe.

Then again, there's something comforting about listening to what you already know, as opposed to having to break in new material. And how in the world can a new song compete with one that you've heard hundreds of times? If your favorite songs act as the soundtrack to your life, then KISS fans may simply want to tap into the past. New songs are best sung by new artists for young people whose pasts are not yet formed.

Now, you might think this is a bit of a stretch, but groups like KISS and Rolling Stones, etc., are the modern version of griots. Where is the oral tradition these days? It's set to music, and story tellers perform in stadiums, backing up their stories with guitars and drums.

The Muse lives on in the music.

What music speaks to you? What stories does it tell?

"Music is the best means we have of digesting time." -- W.H. Auden