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Three Inches Guaranteed -- Invitation to Write #54

For Writers:

You can have a bigger penis, the ad promised. Guaranteed to add three inches.

One of Jason’s friends was having a birthday, and this would be the perfect gag gift.

But Jason’s parents were quite protective, and he knew that if he sent away for the item, they would be sure to open the package – whether it was addressed to him or not. And how does a 12 year old explain a novelty penis gift to his mom?

No problem, I said. Just use my address. My parents would never open a package addressed to a neighbor, and then I could take it over to him with no questions asked. So why did my dad decide to open the package? Something a bit suspicious about the return label maybe? I don’t know. All I know is, when I returned home from school one day, dad motioned me over to a package addressed to Jason. Oh crap, I thought.

Open it, he said. I did, and there it was: a condom with a three inch piece of Styrofoam for the user to insert inside. Someone got screwed alright, but it was Jason for paying 10 bucks for that stupid gift. Luckily, my dad found it highly amusing, and hopefully Jason’s friend got a rise out of it as well.

Describe the most unusual birthday present that you’ve ever given or received.

“You can only be young once. But you can always be immature.” - Dave Barry


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