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Why Did the Chicken Cross the Road?

There are a million reasons, but here's a sampling.

Barack Obama
The chicken crossed the road because it was time for a change. The chicken wanted change!

John McCain
My friends, that chicken crossed the road because he recognized the need to engage in cooperation and dialogue with all the chickens on the other side of the road.

Hillary Clinton
When I was first lady, I personally helped that little chicken to cross the road. This experience makes me uniquely qualified to ensure -- right from Day One -- that every chicken in this country gets the chance it deserves to cross the road. But then, this really isn't about me...

Al Gore
I fight for the chickens and I am fighting for the chickens right now. I will not give up on the chickens crossing the road! I will fight for the chickens and I will not disappoint them.

Albert Einstein
Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road crossed the chicken depends upon your frame of reference.

It is the nature of chickens to cross roads.

Arthur Andersen
Deregulation of the chicken’s side of the road was threatening its dominant market position. The chicken was faced with significant challenges to create and develop the competencies required for the newly competitive market. Andersen Consulting, in a partnering relationship with the client, helped the chicken by rethinking its physical distribution strategy and implementation processes. Using the Poultry Integration Model (PIM), Andersen helped the chicken use its skills, methodologies, knowledge, capital and experiences to align the chicken’s people, processes and technology in support of its overall strategy within a Program Management framework. Andersen Consulting convened a diverse cross-spectrum of road analysts and best chickens along with Anderson consultants with deep skills in the transportation industry to engage in a two-day itinerary of meetings in order to leverage their personal knowledge capital, both tacit and explicit, and to enable them to synergize with an enterprise-wide value framework across the continuum of poultry cross-median processes. The meeting was held in a park-like setting, enabling and creating an impactful environment which was strategically based, industry-focused, and built upon a consistent, clear, and unified market message and aligned with the chicken’s mission, vision, and core values. This was conducive towards the creation of a total business integration solution. Andersen Consulting helped the chicken change to become more successful.

B.F. Skinner
Because the external influences, which had pervaded its sensorium from birth, had caused it to develop in such a fashion that it would tend to cross roads, even while believing these actions to be of its own freewill.

Barbara Walters
Isn't that interesting? In a few moments we will be listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heart-warming story of how it experienced a serious case of molting and went on to accomplish its life-long dream of crossing the road.

Bill Clinton
I did… not… cross… the road… with… that chicken! It depends on the meaning of the word "chicken."

Bill Gates
I have just released MS eChicken 2003, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook -- and Internet Explorer is an inextricable part of MS eChicken 2003.

Asking this question denies your own chicken nature.

Capt. James T. Kirk
To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.

Colin Powell
Now at the left of the screen, you clearly see the satellite image of the chicken crossing the road.

Colonel Sanders
I missed one?

Chickens, over great periods of time, have been naturally selected in such a way that they are now genetically predisposed to cross roads

Dick Cheney
Chickens are big-time because they have wings. They could fly if they wanted to. Chickens don't want to cross the road. They don't need help crossing the road. In fact, I'm not interested in crossing the road myself.

Dirk Gently
(Holistic Detective)
I'm not exactly sure why, but right now I've got a horse in my bathroom.

Dr. Phil The problem we have here is that this chicken won’t realize that he must first deal with the problem on this side of the road before it goes after the problem on the other side. What must help him realize how stupid he’s acting by not taking on his current problems before adding new ones.

Dr. Seuss
Did the chicken cross the road?
Did he cross it with a toad?
Yes! The chicken crossed the road,
But why it crossed, I've not been told!

Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road moved beneath the chicken depends upon your frame of reference.

Emily Dickenson
Because it could not stop for death.

Ernest Hemingway
To die. In the rain. Alone.

Fox Mulder
You saw it cross the road with your own eyes. How many more chickens have to cross the road before you believe it?

The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken crossed the road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity.

George Orwell
Because the government had fooled him into thinking that he was crossing the road of his own free will, when he was really only serving their interests.

George W. Bush
We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road or not. The chicken is either with us or it is against us. There is no middle ground here.

In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Someone told us that the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough for us.

Hans Blix
We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not yet been allowed access to the other side of the road.

Because of an excess of phlegm in its pancreas.

Iraqi Ambassador
Mohammed Aldouri
The chicken did not cross the road. This is a complete fabrication. We don't even have a chicken.

Jack Nicholson
Because it f*cking wanted to. That's the f*cking reason! You got a problem with that?

Jean-Paul Sartre
In order to act in good faith and be true to itself, the chicken found it necessary to cross the road.

Jerry Falwell
Because the chicken was gay! Isn't it obvious? Can't you people see the plain truth in front of your face? The chicken was going to the "other side." That's what "they" call it-the "other side." Yes, my friends, that chicken is gay. And, if you eat that chicken, you will become gay too. I say we boycott all chickens until we sort out this abomination that the liberal media whitewashes with seemingly harmless phrases like "the other side." That chicken should not be free to cross the road. It's as plain and simple as that.

Jerry Seinfeld
Why does anyone cross a road? I mean, why doesn't anyone ever think to ask, "What the heck was this chicken doing walking around all over the place anyway?"

Joe Lieberman
I believe that every chicken has the right to worship their God in their own way. Crossing the road is a spiritual journey and no chicken should be denied the right to cross the road in their own way.

John Kerry
Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road, I am now against it! It was the wrong road to cross and I was misled as to that chicken’s intentions. I am not for it now and will remain against it in the future. Until I am for it.

John Lennon
Imagine all the chickens crossing roads in peace.

Johnny Cochrane
Now we’re not denying the chicken was at the road. The chicken freely admits that. But we intend to show, in a court of law by due process, that the chicken did nothing wrong.

Joseph Stalin
I don't care. Catch it. I need its eggs to make my omelet.

Karl Marx
It was a historical inevitability.

Kenneth Starr
Because of Whitewater.

Louis Farrakhan
The road, you will see, represents the black man. The chicken crossed the "black man" in order to trample him and keep him down.

M. C. Escher
That depends on which plane of reality the chicken was on at the time.

The point is that the chicken crossed the road. Who cares why? The end of crossing the road justifies whatever motive there was.

Martha Stewart
No one called to warn me which way that chicken was going. I had a standing order at the farmer's market to sell my eggs when the price dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave me any insider information.

Martin Luther King, Jr.
I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads without having their motives called into question.

And God came down from the Heavens, and He said unto the chicken, “Thou shalt cross the road.” And the chicken crossed the road, and there was much rejoicing.

Nancy Grace That chicken crossed the road because he’s guilty! You can see it in his eyes and the way he walks.
It didn't. I was playing golf with it at the time.

Oliver Stone
The question is not "Why did the chicken cross the road?" but is rather "Who was crossing the road at the same time whom we overlooked in our haste to observe the chicken crossing?"

Oprah Winfrey Well, I understand that the chicken is having problems, which is why he wants to cross this road so bad. So, instead of having the chicken learn from his mistakes and take falls, which is a part of life, I’m going to give this chicken a car so that he can just drive across the road and not have to live his life like the rest of the chickens.
Pat Buchanan
To steal a job from a decent, hard-working American.

For the greater good.

Ralph Nader
The chicken's habitat on the original side of the road had been polluted by unchecked industrialist greed. The chicken did not reach the unspoiled habitat on the other side of the road because it was crushed by the wheels of a gas-guzzling SUV.

Ralph Waldo Emerson
It didn't cross the road; it transcended it.

Richard M. Nixon
The chicken did not cross the road. I repeat, the chicken did NOT cross the road.

Ronald Reagan
What chicken?

Rush Limbaugh
I don't know why the chicken crossed the road, but I'll bet it was getting a government grant to cross the road, and I'll bet someone out there is already forming a support group to help chickens with crossing-the-road syndrome. Can you believe this? How much more of this can real Americans take? Chickens crossing the road paid for by our tax dollars, and when I say tax dollars; I'm talking about your money, money the government took from you to build roads for chickens to cross.

Saddam Hussein
This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it.

Sigmund Freud
The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken crossed the road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity.

The Bible
And God came down from the heavens, and He said unto the chicken, "Thou shalt cross the road." And the Chicken crossed the road, and there was much rejoicing.

The National Enquirer
Because the chicken is Elvis' secret love child, a fact kept secret from it by its mother, Emma May Higgins of Backwater, AL until just recently.

The Sphinx
You tell me.

Thomas de Torquemada
Give me ten minutes with the chicken and I'll find out.

Timothy Leary
Because that's the only kind of trip the Establishment would let it take.

I may not agree with what the chicken did, but I will defend to the death its right to do it.


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