I work three different jobs; I’m enrolled in two graduate programs simultaneously. So am I delusional when I identify myself as a “Type B personality”? My lifestyle belies my self-diagnosis.
And yet, I sincerely think of myself as Type B. At the same time, I realize an inner restlessness. It is difficult for me to “do nothing.” Like a lot of people I know, “taking a break” can prove stressful; not only does it cause me more than a little bit of anxiety, but I also find it somewhat depressing. Time off is time lost.
I wasn’t always like this. At least not exactly. When I was younger and more free from responsibilities, it was easier for me to be true to my Type B nature. Something about responsibilities and “being an adult” transformed me into the Type A monster I am today.
More than that, I think another reason for my Type-A-ness is a recognition of my own mortality. I’ve often joked that all the greats die young, and if I was going to die young, I wanted to have something to show for it. Although I no longer dwell on the idea of dying young, I would still like to have a pile of accomplishments to show for my life lived. In truth, none of these “accomplishments” will probably mean much in the overall scheme of things – at least not from the billion-year view – but that hardly matters to my psychological wiring.
I’m currently watching the fourth season of Fringe, and I even consider watching a complete season of a television show to be an “accomplishment.” I know I won’t feel at rest until I complete watching the next six episodes. The joy in that “achievement,” however, will be short-lived, as then it will be time to turn my attention to completing the latest seasons of True Blood and Downton Abbey and Game of Thrones and on and on and on…
What is your type? What is the type of life you live? What type of people do you like? What type of people do you attract? Are there incongruences you can see in your answers to these questions? If so, how do you explain them? Are there any ways you could better align your life to iron out the inconsistencies between your “ideal” and your “reality”?“The most important kind of freedom is to be what you really are. You trade in your reality for a role. You trade in your sense for an act. You give up your ability to feel, and in exchange, put on a mask. There can't be any large-scale revolution until there's a personal revolution, on an individual level. It's got to happen inside first.” – Jim Morrison